Whole Foods Hell

Upon becoming newly single, aka divorced, several years ago – and waiting four months before moving across country to be with my new girlfriend – I found myself with that most daunting of tasks à food shopping alone. As someone who married relatively young, this was a new experience and after a few trips to oppressive supermarkets that left me depressed and humming infuriating tunes that had been “musikified,” I decided that the enticing choice was the one for me. So I started to frequent the local Santa Monica Wholefoods, a utopian mecca where anything you could desire was at your fingertips. After a couple of months of weekly trips, my new girlfriend mentioned that I was wasting money every week venturing to this organic spot. I protested, but just to win an argument bought largely the same things somewhere else. And what I found was rather startling. For one, she was right. Second, I was blowing $30 to $40 a week to hobnob with the liberal, latte-drinking, organic obsessed, wine connoisseur set. So I started shopping elsewhere, though the pull of Wholefoods kept me visiting them at least once a month on the sly. In any case, a friend sent me this hilarious send up of the chain by comedian Kelly MacLean at Huffington Post today. Enjoy!