The Republican-led House just
can’t stop trying to limit abortion. Their latest gambit – outlawing the
procedure after the 20th week. The argument? Unclear as usual,
except for the question of when “human life” begins. But one Congressman from
Texas, Michael Burgess, has come up with a rather unique explanation for why we
need to consider fetuses as human – they masturbate (Slate).
That’s right, masturbation is now the key criterion for who has rights under
the U.S. constitution.
This is, of course, good news for pubescent
boys, who could argue that they should not only garner the right to vote as soon
as those hormones kick in, but maybe two or three votes. And creatures across
the animal kingdom can rejoice as well as the U.S. constitution becomes a
viable resource to protect their rights, particularly against corporate
malfeasance.
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