The Dullest Show on Earth!

I should start by saying I didn't watch most of the Oscars last night. I was writing and totally forgot it was on and then had to find a free stream of it. But what I did watch of it confirmed what I have thought for years -- it is by far the worst instantiation of the spectacle that ever was or ever will be. Okay maybe a little harsh. Live murder trials are up there, war as videogame arguably has a more deleterious effect on us and reality television is often more torturous -- if at least a bit more entertaining in stretches. The Oscars seem to be a dinosaur that keeps trying to find ways to stay alive in a changing world. And that desperation hit a new low with the selection of a TV guy (unless you actually consider Ted a movie) -- Seth McFarlane -- of Family Guy fame. A few funny jokes were peppered in but as many probably wondered -- who the fuck is this guy and why are we watching him?

The show included a number of silly, Vegas-style sing and dance numbers -- including one sexist ditty McFarlane sang to boobs; unfortunately he was singing about breast, not the idiots that seem immune to actually delivering an interesting speech. Kudos to Daniel Day Lewis, the first man to win three times for Best Actor in a Feature Film, for giving it a shot with his joke about Meryl Streep and he switching roles at the last second (Streep to play Lincoln, Lewis to play Thatcher), but in general, the self-congratulatory, surprised, thank everyone who ever lived variety are so tiresome even their fellow actors are starting to grow weary of them. And then there are the chaotic redemptive speeches ala Ben Affleck last night that are both confusing and based on the presumption that people actually care if his career rebounds. Okay, I'm getting a little harsh again.

But, though I missed it this year, it seems to me the Golden Globes have always been a better bet for the time. Ricky Gervais, who hosted for three straight years, even though his first venture caused all sorts of trouble with a few sacred cows of the industry, is just the sort of person that could liven up that day that so many people care about, for little apparent reason. He is biting, funny and among his gems include ...

--Tonight you get Britain's biggest comedian, hosting the world's second biggest awards show on America's third biggest network. Sorry, is it? Fourth. It's fourth.
--Last year, our next presenter won both the Golden Globe and the Oscar for her work in Black Swan. This year, she took some time out to have a baby. Consequently, she's been nominated for nothing. Really pathetic. But she learned that valuable lesson you all already knew: Never put family first. Please welcome the very foolish Natalie Portman
--[Melissa McCarthy] made her mark in comedy this summer by defecating into a sink [In Bridesmaids]. Amazingly, that's still less demeaning than what most of you have done to make it in show business.
"I like a drink as much as the next man. Unless the next man is Mel Gibson." (At which point, Gervais turned around to introduce Mel Gibson).
"Actors are loved the world over. You could be in the third world and you could see a glimpse of a Hollywood star and it would make you feel better. You could be a little Asian child with no possessions and no money and you could see a picture of Angelina Jolie and think… 'mummy'.
- I want to thank God for making me an atheist

Of course people caring about trifling matters is what the spectacle is all about -- hype creating audience and audience fomenting that hype. I've always wondered how the first part of the show became a long running ad campaign for top designers and why no one, except the people at E, actually ask an interesting question to the stars. Really, like much of the spectacle, it is a long commercial with some commercials in between. Maybe it needs the liquor and looseness of the Golden Globes to make it sing again. Or maybe Hollywood just takes itself far too seriously to consider whether they are actually entertaining the people outside the room. A reality I have always considered possible is that actors and actresses aren't necessarily that interesting -- they are people that can wash away their personalities and take on those of another. Sure there are the charismatic stars that play themselves over and over again, but beyond them -- how many actors are actually interesting people? From all the interviews I have sat through over the years for one reason or another, I would say few. And maybe that is ultimately why the Oscars is one of the most overhyped and boring spectacles the spectacle society  decided to nominate.