So That Explains It?

News that astronomer signs are misaligned by as much as a month (due to "wobble" in the earth) has sent people into identity crises that rival that following news the earth was not the center of the universe and that Liberace was gay: http://www.startribune.com/lifestyle/style/113100139.html?elr=KArksUUUoDEy3LGDiO7aiU. Tauruses are trying to be less aggressive and not as impressive in bed, Scorpios less vindictive and Virgos less accommodating. People who have long wondered why daily horoscopes have not led them along the path to success and fortune are reading a paragraph down, hoping happiness is just around the corner. Historians are now trying to determine if this explains the Reagan presidency and the continued success of boy bands. Lawsuits against the Psychic Discovery Network are being filed at record levels, though they have hired the leading global warming doubter PR firm to challenge the new theory.