CPAC Hits of the Week

The Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) is in full swing, and while the Internet seems abuzz with analysis of the True Detective finale (which was, to be fair, an interesting and a fitting end to an odd though compelling 8-hours of television viewing) and the mysterious Malaysian disappearing jet, it is worth considering what is happening among the wing-nut branch of the wing-nut party these days. So on to some highlights from the conference and beyond …

Rick Santorum, in a speech Friday afternoon emphasized that Republicans should not talk about the “middle class,” because that was “class-envy leftist language that divides America against themselves. Classes in America? Do we really accept the fact there are classes in America?”

From firebrand Mike Huckabee, who I once remember being a sort of reasonable voice on the right: “If God does not bring a fiery judgment on America, he will have to apologize to Sodom and Gomorrah.” 

Sarah Palin decided to parody Dr. Seuss for laughs …

I do not like this Uncle Sam. I do not like his healthcare scam.
I do not like these dirty crooks or how they lie and cook the books.
I do not like when Congress steals. I do not like their crony deals.
I do not like this spying, man. I do not like ‘Oh, yes we can.’
I do not like this spending spree. We’re smart, we know there’s nothing free.
I do not like reporters’ smug replies when I complain about their lies.
I do not like this kind of hope, and we won’t take it, nope, nope, nope.

Taking the idea of revisionist history to new heights, James Bowman of the American Spectator wonders why 12 Years a Slave director Steve McQueen can’t find a story about a nice slaveowner: ““If ever in slavery’s 250-year history in North America there were a kind master or a contented slave, as in the nature of things there must have been, here and there, we may be sure that Mr. McQueen does not want us to hear about it.” The very point Gone with the Wind and Birth of the Nation were trying to make, mind you.

The always magnanimous and loving Ann Coulter: ““it’s a cruel and selfish thing…for the upper classes…to refuse to tell poor people ‘keep your knees together before you’re married – that would solve so many of life’s problems.’”

And off the stage, one of the greatest pieces of advice ever offered to those at the bottom of the economic ladder came from Fox Business commentator Todd Wilemon, who in response to being challenged for his erroneous claim that the U.S. has the best healthcare system in the world on The Daily Show, capped his argument with “If you’re poor, just stop being poor.” Of course, the follow-up, “if you’re stupid …” didn’t make it past the editing room floor.

While we’re at it, let’s look back at some of the gems of the past (courtesy of Salon), wondering why conservatives hate sex so much – at least for other people …

“After Hurricane Sandy, we saw the hellish world that the gun prohibitionists see as their utopia.” – Wayne LaPierre, 2013

“Even if an alcoholic is powerless over alcohol once it enters his body, he still makes a choice to drink. And, even if someone is attracted to a person of the same sex, he or she still makes a choice to engage in sexual activity with someone of the same gender.” – Rick Perry, 2008

“One of the things I will talk about, that no president has talked about before, is I think the dangers of contraception in this country … It’s a license to do things in a sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be.” – Rick Santorum, 2011

“Probably the most heartwarming experiences I’ve had over the last several days is when naturalized American citizens, who have immigrated here from Germany, Iran, and other countries, they come up to me and they say: Why are we doing what so many have fled from? … [T]hese people who’ve lived under socialist type economies, and totalitarianism, they know where we’re headed if we don’t turn things around.” – Jim DeMint, 2009

“Having a dozen people murdered in a [Aurora] movie theater gets our attention … Ultimately, we don’t have a crime problem, a gun problem or even a violence problem. What we have is a sin problem. And since we’ve ordered God out of our schools, and communities, the military, and public conversations, you know we really shouldn’t act so surprised when all hell breaks loose.” – Mike Huckabee, 2012

“The trend in deregulation, beginning in the early 1980s, is one of the biggest reasons for the sustained economic expansion. I would like to see us continue to deregulate on many fronts, including the financial services industry.” – Pat Toomey, 1999

“A well-educated black has a tremendous advantage over a well-educated white in terms of the job market …If I was starting off today, I would love to be a well-educated black because I really do believe they have the actual advantage.” – Donald Trump, 1989